Black Lives (still) Matter: A journey through self-identity

Do you remember roughly how old you were when you started questioning yourself and your identity?

In 8th grade I started doubting who I was, what I was, and what I represented. I remember trying to push that down while also struggling with it. Honestly, it was the first time I realized I was Biracial, because even though people growing up said microaggressions to me like “oh you’re the Whitest Black person I know” I don’t think it really clicked until then.

What aspects of being Biracial did you find yourself struggling with?

I felt like I wasn’t Black enough. I would look at myself a lot and think you don’t sound and look Black and I struggled with this a lot throughout High school. I struggled with what it meant to be Black. I also started noticing how White people sort of changed up like it was some type of commodity to be Black, like it was something cool to have a Black kid in your group. Looking back… that took a toll on me because I was trying to please and get everybody to like me, a lot of things stemmed from this idea that I needed to prove my Blackness. I still struggle with the pleasing part, and I do still think I struggle with my Blackness. I always feel like the designated Black person… I guess I just still feel like I don’t belong. There’s a small number of people where I truly feel like I can be myself with.

How has the current political/ social climate affected you?

This time has been crazy to me. I am still getting kids telling me “oh you’ll be fine”. My Black community is being affected, and as much as I think I’m disconnected from it, I’m not. It is a part of me and my culture. I have been conflicted by this idea of either sitting back and pretending it doesn’t affect me or being apart of this change for me and my siblings who are at a greater risk just because of the color of our skin. No matter how we want to identify ourselves, and no matter what you think you are…YOU are a part of the change and what needs to happen.

What advice do you have for someone who may feel the same way?

Not all Black has to be the same Black… you need to be yourself. I know that’s something that is hard to do if you’re worried about what other people think...but the people will come to you, and those who come to you are worth being around you.